My God. What have I done? It's my fault. Lloyd Barker is dead, and it's my fault. I warned him about Kid Holmes, thinking only of myself. I wanted Holmes out of Red Creek to protect myself. I knew Snake would follow him here. And now the poor sheriff is dead. I cant stop thinking about his family and what I have done to them. I should have never come here. I should have never tried to change. Who did I think I was fooling? I don't know what to do. And now, the one thing I have been most afraid of, for over a year and a half, has come true. He is here.
I saw him ride into town this morning. I recognized Big Red first. How many times have I leaned out of a window and watched for that horse to trot up the street. The sight used to make me so happy. Today it filled me with dread. I quickly moved away, afraid that he might see me. I hid behind a post, like a frightened little girl, and watch him ride by. He hasn't changed at all. Tall, strait-backed, his blond hair cropped at his shoulders. He is still wearing the silver spurs that I bought him. Damn him. Damn him for still makeing me feel this way. I am not a child anymore. I am a mother now. A wife. I..... I, .... it doesn't matter. I am sure he has either forgotten about me by now, or he hates me. He has to hate me.
He doesn't know.
And I can't let him find out.
No comments:
Post a Comment