December 29th 1875
It feels like the world is falling apart. I have worked so hard to make our lives here in Red Creek safe and good. I have managed, through hard work and faith, to shut the door on the past and focus on the here and now. And where has it gotten me? What have I done wrong?
Johnny has not been home since Christmas night. I know he spends most of his time at that damn saloon. I feel like I do not even know him any longer. He has become a drunkard. A gambler and a liar. He doesn't seem to care about me or even Joshua anymore. I have tried to understand. I know that it has been hard on him here, but it has been hard on me as well. I just don't know what to do.
And this afternoon I saw a face on the street that I prayed I would never see again. The outlaw from Wichita. The one who killed Tobius. There he was coming out of the hotel in broad daylight. I was on my way home from the school house and he stepped right in front of me as I passed. I was not looking where I was walking and bumped right into him. My heart almost stopped. I am sure it was him, though I don't believe he knew me. Really there is no way he would. Why is he here? And does this mean that Snake is behind him? I know from a press clipping I saw last year that he was still chasing him. Did he catch him? If he did and Holmes is here, then Snake must be dead. I can't bear to think of it. And what if he's not? Is he on the way here? I am so afraid and confused. I pray that this murdering outlaw will leave Red Creek soon. Maybe I should warn Sheriff Lloyd who he is. Maybe the Sherriff can make him leave. What might happen if he stays terrifies me to my soul. I, I can't think on it. I have to focus on trying to save my husband. My son needs a father.
Oh Lord. What if......... No. I will not even write it
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